(day 9): best-laid plans and all that

Hello, sleepless night! You came back again for me, my faithful friend! What would I ever do without you?

Wait, I know the answer to that question. Without you, I'd sleep really well and be able to function the next day with a clear mind instead of wandering about like a zombie, just trying to keep my eyes open.

But, to be honest, the real culprit was me. For, you see, I picked up a Charles Todd book and the story is so riveting I haven't been able to keep away from it all day except for a couple of hours in the morning when I was outdoors with D, who was having fun at an Easter egg hunt event.

But no, that's me blaming myself again because like a good girl, I turned off the lights at 9 last night, only to wake up at 11 because of a nightmare.

It was the kind of dream I hadn't had in a very long time. I used to have it when I napped alongside D back when he was 2.5 years old; it almost always entailed me walking all by myself in my neighbourhood, which was extremely deserted with not a single living soul to be found.

And then I'd wake up and see my friendly Macedonian neighbours in their house across from ours, and I'd feel some semblance of safety and companionship. (Those neighbours left for Macedonia a year ago and sadly, John passed away just a couple of months ago having been diagnosed with cancer at a late stage.)

Last night, after I woke up at 11, I couldn't go back to sleep. My eyes were tired and sandpapery but everytime I closed them, I could hear a child's breathy whispers, Mummaaa... Mummaaa... It scared the bejesus out of me. D was asleep right beside me, so I knew it wasn't him.

Still, I couldn't bring myself to close my eyes after that, and I stayed up for a while, reading the Charles Todd book, finding comfort in it as one would in a good friend.

D has a day off tomorrow as well, so I wonder if I'll get any writing done although I do have an assignment to turn in by tomorrow night for a workshop I am attending.

I thought I had a pretty good chance of waking up early in the morning and getting some words in before the day begins, but I haven't been sleeping well enough to do that.

And I don't quite have a solution for these restless nights. Except, perhaps, the comfort of family, which again is wishful thinking at the moment and not a practical resolution of a very real and persistent problem.

Let's see what tomorrow tonight brings!