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# (day -5): remembering what matters
- URL: https://thedreampedlar.com/remembering-what-matters/
- Published: 2023-03-27T02:06:26.000Z
- Updated: 2023-04-13T22:22:25.000Z
- Description: On facing difficulty, instead of resisting the life we have.
- Author: Anitha Krishnan
- Tags: on writing, life, unadulterated, the creative life

The sleepless nights and restricted days continue as D remains unwell. Although his fever has subsided, his legs are strained, and he has been unable to walk ever since he woke up. 

It's been a hard few days; I worry a lot when D is unwell as any parent would for their child, and being sleepless and homebound makes me grouchier than usual. 

It occurred to me this morning that [what we resist, persists](https://medium.com/@weirdfulstar/what-we-resist-persists-embrace-it-will-dissolve-4c415bdca33e). 

Why am I so resistant to the fact that D woke up with a health problem today? Instead of settling down to help him, I began to *catastrophize* (What if this ends up being a lifelong health problem for him? *or* At this rate, I best not take part in the writing challenge) and *blame* (We should have had more help from family in looking after our child all these years). 

I am sorry, D. Please forgive me. 

It's funny, but had I not been hell-bent on trying to write daily in preparation for the challenge, I wouldn't even have seen the pattern I was in, the pattern of resisting my day-to-day reality and catastrophizing and/or blaming others for it.

The other timely nugget of wisdom I received today came from [Big Life Journal](https://biglifejournal.com). In this week's email, founder Alexandra talked about doing a worst-case scenario exercise when we find ourselves engaging in procrastination.

1. As part of this exercise, we ask ourselves what the worst-case scenario of working on a project would be. For instance, what is the worst-case scenario of my participating in this writing challenge? Answer: I fail the challenge, and not meet the target wordcount.
2. And then we ask ourselves, knowing that this worst-case scenario might happen, are we still willing to proceed? I hesitated to answer this one. My initial answer was 'No'.
3. The last question to ask ourselves is this: 'If we do NOT work on this project, will we regret this later?' My answer to this question was a resounding 'Yes'. Of course, I'd regret not taking the chance to write my stories whenever I can.

I went back to the second question – Knowing that I might not meet the target wordcount and that I might fail the challenge, am I still willing to proceed? – to which I had answered 'No', and then I asked myself 'Why not?' 

> *The answer was that I am not ready to accept failure, which means that instead of not taking on a project I might fail at, I better work on my mindset and capacity to handle failure and disappointment.* 

She explains this process in her latest podcast episode: [*How to stop procrastinating on your dream*](https://open.spotify.com/episode/1vb4xfdskZEGh7QbwPCHiP).

So no more dithering. I am signing up for the challenge. It will get me to the writing desk more often than otherwise. And I am determined to try it, and also accept that life will throw many things my way, and I don't have to try and overcome anything, I simply have to accept it. 

> Let difficulty transform you. And it will. In my experience, we just need help in learning how not to run away.

> \~ Pema Chödrön