(day 3): the joys of driving at the speed limit

There's a stretch of road called North Service Road that we usually take, if the highway is busy, to drop and pick up D from school. It runs parallel to the ON-403 highway for several kilometres.

This is the road on which one gets to witness the impatience plague that seems to have afflicted most drivers in the region.

The speed limit here is 60 km/hr, but it's not unusual to find vehicles whizzing past at 80–90 km/hr.

Occasionally, there'd be a 'slow' driver going at the speed limit, usually an elderly person, and there'd be an impatient vehicle tailing the slow vehicle, almost nosing its bumper.

I've had bullies like that behind me on several occasions, and my instinctive reaction is to slow down even further just to spite them. I will not be forced to speed against my wishes.

I've done the whizzing past at 80–90 km/hr a few times, especially if I'm worried I'd be late to pick up D from school.

But I've noticed that it doesn't really save much time. It probably shaves just a minute or two from the usually less-than-15-minute drive.

Oftentimes, I'd be cruising at 65-68 km/hr, my standard speed ever since I realized the futility (and danger) of going at those breakneck speeds, and I'd end up at a traffic light right behind the pickup-truck that would have been dashing at 90 km/hr just moments ago.

Instead, when I stick to the speed limit, I find that I am much more relaxed and I enjoy the journey much more than when I'm trying to speed and cursing any 'slow' drivers in front of me, wishing they'd speed up or get out of the way.

I didn't realize it until I began writing this post, but the truth is that I am a very different person when I drive at the speed limit than when I'm speeding.

When I drive at the speed limit, I am more spacious in my heart and tolerant of the world around me, I am not stressed or rushed, and I trust I will reach my destination in good time and in a good mood, having enjoyed the journey and all it had to offer.

What does this have to do with writing, you may wonder?

For a very long time, years now, I had been aiming to achieve a writing productivity of 2000+ words/day of fiction. It was some sort of a holy grail for me.

I don't quite recall where I got that number from. Perhaps from Stephen King, who has famously said that he writes everyday, at least 2000 words/day, even on his birthday and on Christmas Day.

Many other contemporary writers also have a similar or much, much higher daily output.

I've often hit those numbers, but never for multiple days in a row. I'd have a 2,000-word day, and my output would gradually dip in the days that followed.

I had never understood why. Quick to castigate myself, I often put it down to lack of discipline, or to a masochistic instinct for self-sabotage.

I attended Becca Syme's Write Better-Faster 101 workshop in September 2022, and through that I learnt that not all writers can write everyday. Some need time to think and process their story subconsciously before putting words to paper.

I've since started paying more attention to my own process, and I noticed a few things.

1. I have to write everyday.

Not necessarily fiction. More on that below, but essentially if I don't translate shapeless thoughts into word shapes on paper or on the screen, it makes my skin crawl and my eyes bleed and my hair fall out. In short, all sorts of madness happens if I don't write everyday.

2. I also like to have the time to think. More precisely, to daydream.

I do not actively think about story plots and such when I'm not writing; I prefer to leave all the good stuff to happen while I'm at the writing desk.

But sometimes a 'What if?' question drifts into my mind when I'm daydreaming.

Afternoons are the best time for me to daydream. I sit on my bed and look out the window at the skies, and whether it's a clear blue day or a rainy one, everything outside my window fascinates me in those moments of calm and quiet.

As you already know, I'm writing these daily reflection posts as part of the ongoing writing challenge that Dean Wesley Smith is conducting. I had started writing and tracking my fiction and non-fiction wordcount two weeks ago to prepare for the challenge. And I've had some wonderful epiphanies along the way.

1. When it comes to fiction, my sweet spot at the moment is 1,000 words/day. This is my personal speed limit.

Some days, it's very easy. Some days, it's a challenging goal but not so out of reach that I'd give up without trying.

I've arrived at this number after much trial-and-error. It appears to me that I'm much better off writing 1,000 words/day consistently – it is a sustainable pace of productivity for me and I don't feel stressed about it – instead of pushing myself to write 2,000 words one day only to not show up at the writing desk for the next two days.

So, 1,000 words/day of fiction is the perfect number for me right now.

Of course, the ambitious, high-achiever that I am, I'm always tempted to look at those clocking 5,000–10,000 words/day and try to make that work for me. But I have to remind myself, I am me, they are they, I am not them. Besides, 1,000 words is far, far greater than zero!

And who knows, perhaps maintaining this steady space of 1,000 words/day over a long period of time might strengthen my writing muscles and help me get to a higher level after several months.

But for the duration of this challenge, i.e., until the end of 2023, I'm going to stick to this most-appropriate-for-me goal of 1,000 words/day of fiction. This is the speed limit I can cruise at, while enjoying the drive, and stay behind the wheel for a long, long period of time.

2. When I'm writing a novel, I don't seem to like working just on that one single story for a long time.

So if I need to take a break from the bigger project and indulge in writing a short story instead, as a palate cleanser, like I did this morning, I give myself permission to do that more often and shed the guilt and doubt that often accompanies this detour.

3. I love blogging.

I absolutely love it. I have too many thoughts in my head and nowhere for them to go.

It's akin to journalling for me, and although I have a very beautiful handwriting and I love beautiful stationery, I don't quite like how long it takes for me to write by hand. My thoughts race way faster than I can write but I can keep pace with them when I type.

So blogging is not a waste of time for me. These posts are like Morning Pages for me, as suggested by Julia Cameron, author of The Artist's Way, except I use them as Evening Pages, an exercise in daily reflection.

I have often made the mistake in the past of telling myself that if I can write 1,000 words of fiction and 1,000 words of a blog post in a day, then I can just as easily write 2,000 words of fiction in a day.

NO! A BIG NO!

I have to remind myself that fiction and blogging are two very distinct forms of writing, each serving a different need for me.

Each has its own place and importance. I simply cannot sacrifice one for the other.

Each fuels the other. Neither detracts from the other.

This, I must always remember.

4. My daydreaming time is precious and important to my creativity.

It's not an act of indulgence or of laziness. It helps me rest and recharge. It helps my subconscious do its work, so that when I get back to the writing desk the following day, the words are ready to flow.

5. After years of deluding myself that I needed to find internal motivation in some way, I've come to see how amazing and necessary external motivation is.

Just this morning, I was having trouble maintaining momentum in the new short story I had started, so I gave in to one of my usual temptations and went to check my email.

I had written to Dean last night with my wordcount as of Sunday, April 2 – I'm taking his lead on maintaining a Monday–Sunday schedule for tracking and reporting my wordcount, which means I'll write to him every Sunday night with my total for the week and the cumulative total so far – and Dean had replied to that message with a "Well done all the way! Keep it fun!"

That was all the impetus I needed to sign out of gmail and get back to the manuscript, and I spent the next hour happily typing away a story and enjoying the process very much indeed!

We are social beings, and the less grief I give myself about wanting and needing supportive people in my life, the happier I'd be.

So now, after years of trying and testing different methods, after many periods of desperation and determination, after many, many failures and some successes, I'm finally beginning to discern a pattern that works for me.

Mornings are for writing fiction.

Afternoons are for daydreaming.

Afternoons/evenings are for writing these blog posts.

Bedtime is for reading.

How lucky I am to live such a simple, wonderful life!

I thank my stars and everything in this Universe that has conspired to bring me here to this day, to this moment in time, where my life is full of the activities I love – writing and reading – and the people I love – D and KrA. Thank you, Universe!