We woke up later than usual and thereafter, everything this morning took twice the usual amount of time. I spent almost all morning looking forward to an afternoon nap, from which I woke up to find KrA down and under following his second shot yesterday.
So D and I went out for outdoor play. We had covered not even half our usual distance when he wanted to break for a snack, and so we did. And perhaps for the first time, I was quite alright with what was going on.
Sitting there, I didn't worry that we had cycled less than our daily distance. Instead I was ok with us lazing about in the warm afternoon sun. It was such a glorious day.
Two ladies were walking with prams, a toddler and two infants in all. One of them was trying to fly a kite with the toddler. For the first time, I did not wish I could go back to when D was a toddler nor did I feel the lack of a mommy-friend nor did I think I ought to have been doing something 'more fun' with D, such as kite-flying instead of riding a bike.
Someone ran up and down the sledding hill several times, and for the first time I was ok to just sit there with D and not feel as if I ought to be pushing myself to run instead of going for a walk in the mornings.
For the first time in a long time, I was ok with not having written much (less than 300 words today, I reckon), I was ok with the child I have, with the experiences we're having.
There was no yearning for something more or something else. Whatever was, was perfectly fine.
When we came back home, KrA had come down with a fever. I went into a mild panic at first, as a matter of habit, at the thought that I'd have to take care of dinner and D's bath-time. And gosh! I was already tired. How on earth was I going to muster up strength to get through the rest of the evening!
But this is where, after a momentary lapse into old patterns, I was able to choose a different path. After KrA took a Tylenol, I had a shower and went down to fix dinner. I opted for a simple cheese-and-cucumber sandwich and served D a plate of mountains and valleys and a river with a green (cucumber) monster swimming in it. This is not something I usually think of but D had been getting worried about KrA being ill, so I thought he'd appreciate a little creativity at mealtime. And he did. He ate every last crumb on his plate and demanded some more.
Bath-time was a breeze. We then checked on the red-tailed hawks and guess what! K3 has fledged! That darling youngest of the hawk-chicks has flown the nest! K1 and K3 are on trees near their nest and The Cornell Lab is equipped with plenty of cameras to capture their flying efforts in various locations on campus. Right now, they are perched on a tree, hopping from one branch to another. K3 had a rather clumsy take-off but he's safe and his flight skills will surely improve.
After bed-time, I was ravenous, so I cooked Maggi for KrA and myself, and here I am, typing today's free-writing session before I turn in for the night.
I didn't write much today but tomorrow is another day, another opportunity.
The key thing for me to remember is that one hard day need not be extrapolated to a hard life. One day or one week or one month or even one year of not writing need not be extrapolated to a lifetime of writing.
We do what needs to be done in the here and now. That is really all we can do. That is really all we need to do.
And if we can do that with a kind wholehearted presence, if we can attend to a single moment with a tender heart, the big thing called life tends to take care of itself.