i miss D.

My little one is at school, his second full day of school, and I miss him so much. I miss him with an ache, an anguish. I just can't stop crying.

Yesterday, I was filled with a strange kind of restless energy, worrying about how D would be faring on his first full day of school. When we went to pick him up, he was happy and tired and excited about his day.

The tears started this morning on the way back after we dropped him, and they haven't stopped. I am heartbroken.

Here are a few conversations I've had with him this week.

On Tuesday morning, at home after his first session at school (a one-hour orientation).

Me: Can I give you a hug?

D (hugging me): I missed you, Mumma.

Me: I missed you too.

On Wednesday night, at bedtime.

D: What do you think school is all about?

Me: School is about learning new things, meeting new people, having new experiences.

D: What does that mean?

Me (flummoxed as usual): Hmm ... what do you think school is all about?

D: I think school is all about fun.

On Friday morning, right before drop-off.

D: For how many days will I go to school?

Me: Mondays through Fridays. And Saturdays and Sundays you'll be home.

D: What is today?

Me: Friday

D: Tomorrow is my time with family. (Then adds, as an afterthought) I want to go to school everyday.

Me: No way! Saturdays and Sundays are our time with you.

D (as we walk from the car park to the drop-off point): I am a little sad about going to school today.

Me: Are you ready to go in?

D (continues to walk): Yes.

In the past hour, I have looked at the clock more than five times, constantly bamboozled by how slowly time can move.