December Dreams: Monthly Missives from The Dream Pedlar
As we shed the old and step into the new, let us remember the wise words of Rumi. "Only those who are zealous in their search, who faithfully seek the flame, find the light."
Hello Dreamers,
It's Christmas Day today, and I wish everyone celebrating many moments of happiness.
If you celebrated Hanukkah or the Winter Solstice, or if you'll embark on Kwanzaa celebrations tomorrow, or if you're soaking up the end-of-year festivities and fervour in your own style and tradition, my wish is for you to end the year with celebration as well as with clarity, with rest and rejuvenation, and with inspiration as much as with intention.
I'm writing this right after having watched Argentina win the World Cup in a very exciting final game with France. It's been ages since I followed any sport religiously, barring the occasional NBA game, primarily to watch Steph Curry in action.
Basketball and table tennis were the games I learnt to play way back as an engineering undergrad student back in India; we're talking of an era more than two decades ago.
Remembering the bravado of my youth
Every December, a contingent of 100 or so players representing our institute, in the ratio of approximately 1 girl to every 10 boys in the group, used to travel to other campuses by rail, setting out on train journeys often lasting nearly as long as two days.
Over a period of two weeks (if memory serves me right), we used to compete against other institutes in a vast number of sports: track and field events, basketball, badminton, table tennis, hockey, cricket, and I'm pretty certain I've missed out on several others.
L: That's me sitting in the front row, second from right; and R: I'm the one adorned with bandages on many visible parts of my body.
These images are from 2001–2002, and their ancientness makes me gasp the way I used to every time I held a photo album of my parents or grandparents in my hands and flipped those pages, peering at snapshots from another lifetime.
We lost way more often than we ever won in those tournaments, yet I have some very fond memories of those times.
What I remember most is our indefatigable fighting spirit. Year after year, we showed up, buoyed and led by the unending enthusiasm of our captain, Kitty.
Past failures couldn't weigh us down. The disappointment of defeat was never crushing enough to keep us from trying again.
And then I graduated and stepped into the real world.
What goes up, comes down
Over the past two decades — through love and heartbreaks and marriage, through jobs and relocations to different cities, countries, and continents, through unemployment and self-employment, through stay-at-home-parenting and moments of losing it and trying to keep it all together, over and over again, through lost opportunities and disappointing outcomes — it's easy to say that there has been a gradual erosion of confidence and optimism.
Indeed, when I look back I find that the last time I was doing really well personally and professionally, emotionally and mentally, financially and experientially, was back in 2013—2014 in Singapore. (Or that's what my memory tells me! That's the belief I've been clinging to.)
In the years that have followed, I've long lamented the decisions that we made, believing that if only we hadn't made the choices we did, life would have been way different and considerably easier now.
I was chatting with a dear friend a few days ago and he pointed out to me that the reason I'm struggling right now is because I've been unable to face the short-term consequences of the long-term decisions I made a few years ago.
His wise words were the impetus I needed, and eventually I arrived at the following conclusion.
Just because things seem difficult now doesn't mean we made the wrong choice back then!
Rock bottom makes for a solid foundation to build upon
The knowledge that things can go wrong tends to instil a lot of fear in the best of us. Some may be motivated by fear or pressure, but I was certainly among those who become immobilized by it.
In my annual review of my author business, I wrote about how I ran out of funds earlier on in the year, and far from looking for new and innovative ways to monetize my books and writings, I froze and shut down.
In that anxious state of mind, writing ceased to be a joy and I couldn't progress on several of my fiction works.
My main focus area for 2023 is to build a healthy mindset, and I'm quite excited to be taking several measures towards that and, of course, that includes writing about it!
It's all too easy to talk about setbacks and failures in hindsight from the vantage point of success, but how does one carry on without any guarantee of reward, some external validation of success, when the future is and will always remain uncertain?
This is what I'll be exploring and sharing in the coming days, but even at the outset, the main answers I can come up with to this conundrum seem to be that
- we can live with intention,
- we can remember why we chose our path in the first place,
- just because we love it doesn't mean it won't be hard on
somemany days, - just because things seem difficult now doesn't mean we made a wrong choice back then,
- we often don't get the results we expect and that's perfectly OK, and
- we are free to shift gears and pivot anytime!
Of course, Rumi says it way more elegantly.
THE LIGHT by Rumi
When you put a cargo on board a ship, you make that venture on trust,
For you do not know whether you will be drowned or safely reach the other shore.
If you say, 'I will not embark till I am certain of my fate,' then you will do no trade:
The secret of these two destinies is never disclosed.
The faint-hearted merchant neither gains nor loses; nay he loses,
For he is deprived of his fortune. Only those who are zealous in their search,
who faithfully seek the flame, find the light.
Since all affairs turn upon hope, surely faith is the worthiest
object of hope, for thereby you win salvation.
Tales for Dreamers
all in a year's work
This tale has been among my favourites ever since I first penned it almost a decade ago! In March 2013, to be precise.
I clearly remember the Sunday morning and afternoon I spent on this piece. I had just embarked on publishing short whimsical tales on an older blog, twice a week. That particular Sunday, I didn't have a tale ready, but once I started writing, the story took on a life of its own.
The elation I felt when I finished and published the piece is clearly imprinted in my memory! I hope reading the tale gives you too as much delight.
Books You May Love
Thirst No. 1 by Christopher Pike
I've been raving about Christopher Pike's Thirst series over on the blog this past month ever since bringer-of-so-many-good-things-in-my-life, my dear friend Helen, introduced me to Pike's works.
The fact that sometime in the 90s, this American author wrote so beautifully about Lord Krishna from the perspective of a 5,000-year-old vampire named Sita is proof enough that telling lies for fun and profit a.k.a writing fiction is a noble calling indeed!
I've only just finished reading Thirst No. 1, which comprises the first three books, so I have several more books in the series to devour with great delight.
It's time to bid adieu, dear reader, to you as well as to this wonderful, crazy, topsy-turvy kind of year.
What I wish for you in 2023 is the courage and conviction to live a life of your own choosing, a life of your own making, a life that you can own and rejoice in, a life that you can proudly say is uniquely yours.
See you in the new year!
~ Anitha