December Dance: Monthly Missives from The Dream Pedlar
Reflecting on what matters most as we step into a new year
It’s mid-December as I write this. We’re only two days away from D’s school closing for the winter holidays! Which means less time spent with the laptop and phone, and more time seeing the world through the eyes of this truly lovely 9-year-old I’m lucky to have in my life.
It has occurred to me only recently (took me long enough, innit!) that all of my writings — both fiction and these newsletters — have a tendency to ask these big philosophical questions about life, the meaning and purpose of it, the fleeting beauty of it.
This month’s newsletter dives into those very depths with a fictional twist to it.
So grab a warm cuppa and a cozy blanket, settle in, and read on!
On Writing
I’m more than halfway through writing Book 2 of the fantasy duology I’m currently working on.
As many of you know, Books 1 and 1.5 are almost ready. I’m almost tempted to begin to put these works out in the world, but by now I know myself well enough to understand that doing so prematurely would most certainly derail me from focusing wholeheartedly on getting to ‘The End’ of Book 2.
So please bear with me a few more months, dear Dreamer!
I intend to put a call out for readers of ARCs (Advance Review Copies) of Book 1 as soon as I’ve finished writing Book 2.
Which means, if you sign up, you’ll get to read the story for free(!!!) a couple of months before it goes out into the wider world. All I ask in return is for your help in spreading the word if you like the tale.
But, one step at a time. I don’t expect to get much writing done over the winter break, but January and February will be my months of disappearing into the story world. And shortly after that, I’ll throw the doors wide open and invite you in!
I have stopped posting new stories in the Tales For Dreamers series but here’s one fan favourite that gets much love especially during the end of the year.
If you've ever wondered how the months of the year came to have a rather unequal distribution of days, read 'All In A Year's Work' to find out!
Anitha Krishnan
Life, Unadulterated
Years ago, when we were young(er) and child-free, before Netflix was even a thing, KrA and I used to watch a number of TV shows and Supernatural was one of our favourites. What’s not to love about two brothers — Sam and Dean Winchester — who hunt ghosts, demons and all sorts of supernatural beings?
There’s one episode in particular, snatches of which I remember to this day. Google tells me it’s Episode 20 of Season 2, titled What Is and What Should Never Be.
In this episode, the brothers live in an alternate reality in which they’re not demon hunters and lead ordinary lives instead.
Sam, who’s often the brother who bumbles his way through the demon-hunting world, finds himself completely at home in this alternate reality. He is a law school student, has a girlfriend, and is very happy and doing really well in all the ways that count in this alternate, demon-free world.
Dean, on the other hand, who’s the smart, brave hero when it comes to hunting demons, is in utter ruins in this ordinary version of reality. He’s lost and purposeless, takes to drinking, is irresponsible, and is often chided by Sam who looks at his brother with pity, condescension and scorn.
It was a clear case of a person and their skills languishing in a set of circumstances completely unsuitable for them.
Unfortunately, in a world that is relentlessly noisy and full of other people’s opinions and voices, we find it hard to get to know ourselves well enough to be able to say “This place is not for me,” or “I’d thrive in that kind of culture instead.”
Instead, we bumble through life wondering what’s missing and constantly trying to fix that, often questioning our life choices, and eventually feeling as though nothing we do will ever be enough.
My mom talks about a saying in Tamil, “Prasava Vairaagyam, Mayana Vairaagyam,” which means that the birth of a child and the death of a loved one are two instances of significant upheaval in our lives that lead to temporary detachment.
The operative word here is ‘temporary’!
Prasava Vairaagyam means ‘dispassion/determination during childbirth’ when extreme labour pains may cause a woman to decide to never have children again. Once the pain fades, the vow is forgotten and the desire reappears.
Mayana Vairaagyam means ‘dispassion/determination during death’ wherein the death of a loved one shakes us into recognizing the fleeting nature of our lives and the pettiness of our daily concerns.
But again, only temporarily.
Often, it is only a matter of days before we slip back into our daily routines and trivial bickerings, worrying about misplaced socks and mismatched hearts, annoying neighbours and recalcitrant relatives.
This is the dilemma that has always plagued me:
How do we reconcile the sheer impermanence of our existence with the relatively petty day-to-day demands of surviving in this material world?
I clearly remember the first time I had this life-altering thought threading through the synapses in my brain. I was at university back then, a month away from submitting my thesis and graduating with Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees in Engineering, top of my class with gold medals and certificates to attest to how well I did in all the ways that mattered back then.
“What is the point of all this? How does this help human beings in any way?” Standing in the middle of the lab, I asked my project guide, a professor who had known me well for the five years I had spent at university.
To give him credit, he attempted to respond. Whatever he said must have not resonated with me because I have no recollection of his words although I clearly remember the flummoxed look on his face, the ‘I really don’t have time for this drama’ expression his features wore, when I posed my question.
That was more than 20 years ago. I’ve been asking that question ever since, posing it to people I thought were likely to know, trying to glean the answer from books and relationships, seeking the truth in thought and experiences.
The only truth I’ve found in all these years of questing is this:
No one can answer that question honestly for you.
Everyone has a variation of the answer that serves them in their lives and circumstances. Their answer would have also typically evolved and shape-shifted with time, age and life experiences.
The best they can then do is project their beliefs and insights on to your life and circumstances and offer a semblance of an answer.
But they are not you. Their lives, both the outward manifestation of it and the subconscious patterns that rule it, look nothing like yours.
Which is why, in that episode of Supernatural, no amount of chiding and advice-giving from Sam or their mother could help Dean fit into the new, ordinary, demon-free world. They did not share his passions and drive, his way of looking at the world; they could barely understand why this new reality was eating him from the inside out.
When there were no demons of the kind he could hunt, when the very purpose of his life — ridding the world of evil and saving people from demons — was robbed from him, Dean had no choice but to conjure up demons of his own making. He became alcoholic, was unable to hold a job, and fell into deep despair.
Which brings us to the question:
When what we want is at odds with what the world demands of us, how do we decide what really matters?
As I said before, only you can answer that for yourself.
But ... we can always turn to stories for ideas and inspirations. So I invite you to look at one of my own.
Dying Wishes was a finalist for the 2023 Rakuten Kobo Emerging Writer Prize in the Speculative Fiction category.
Set in Burlington, Ontario, this contemporary fantasy novel weaves Hindu mythology and South Indian folklore into a quest for belonging across different worlds – the World of Mortals and the World of Gods, India and Canada, the past and the present, the world outside and the one within.
“
It is a good thing the dying have regrets.
Otherwise, everyone would die believing
they have unravelled this mystery called life,
when nothing could be further from the truth.
And I'd find myself unemployed to boot.
~ Infinity, A Harbinger of Death
in Dying Wishes
Books You May Love
This month, I savoured the absolute beauty that was Bury Our Bones in the Midnight Soil by V. E. Schwab. The Internet calls it a sapphic vampire story, but that description doesn’t even encompass an iota of what this expansive book is about.
Set across three different timelines, 16th—17th centuries, 18th—early 20th centuries, and the present day, it tracks three women and their stories, the despairing cultures they grow up in, the desperate choices they make, and the deadly consequences they face.
Schwab immerses us into each character’s life at decadent leisure. I mean, who’s got anything else to do but relish her beautiful concoction of words and fantastical but all-too-true stories? I loved every page and every line of this entrancing book!
I’m also continuing to read the Wings Of Fire series by Tui T. Sutherland with D with delightful regularity at bedtime.
Book 2 of the series, The Lost Heir, focuses on Tsunami, the SeaWing dragonet, who has long dreamed of reuniting with her mother and siblings and becoming the Queen of the SeaWings.
Tsunami is indeed reunited with her family in this book, but the reality that unfolds is completely at odds with her fantasy. Sutherland’s world building is astounding, and she juggles an entire new cast of characters with practised ease.
Another edition of the newsletter is now at its end, dear Dreamer. As is another month. As is another entire year altogether!
Before we part, let me remind you to ask yourself —
When what we want is at odds with what the world demands of us, how do we decide what really matters?
And, once we’ve decided what really matters to us, how do we remember that as we go through our days?
Those are the questions I leave you with, dear Dreamer. Write to me and let me know what answers come up for you.
Wish you a safe and joyful transition into the New Year! See you on the other side!
~ Anitha
How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. … A life of good days lived in the senses is not enough. The life of sensation is the life of greed; it requires more and more. The life of the spirit requires less and less; time is ample and its passage sweet. ~ Annie Dillard, The Writing Life