the folly of 'if only'

I realized today that 'if only' has been the most constant refrain of my life.

If only ... I had kept up blogging and posting tales for dreamers when I had managed to amass a following in the early days.

If only ... we hadn't moved out of Singapore all those years ago.

If only ... I had opted to send D to daycare instead of choosing to be a stay-at-home mom.

If only ... I had written books in series right from the start.

If only ... I could write more, faster, more often.

This morning we learnt that a medical condition a member of our family was being treated for over the past two and a half years has changed very little. That sent me into a tailspin and I fell back on my trusted refrain.

If only ... we had been more strict and stringent about following the prescribed treatment.

The implicit assumption in all these clauses (because these are really clauses, not complete sentences in themselves) is that they'd be followed by a happier ending, a more favourable outcome.

If only ... I had kept up blogging and posting tales for dreamers when I had managed to amass a following in the early days, I'd have built a huge audience for my works of fiction by now.

If only ... we hadn't moved out of Singapore all those years ago, we'd have had a far healthier bank balance by now.

If only ... I had opted to send D to daycare instead of choosing to be a stay-at-home mom, I'd have had a job and not feel so anxious about not earning a livelihood by writing fiction.

If only ... I had written books in series right from the start, I'd have found more success as a fiction author by now.

If only ... I could write more, faster, more often, I'd be selling more books and making more money as an author by now.

If only ... we had been more strict and stringent about following the prescribed treatment, this medical condition would have resolved by now and we wouldn't be facing the prospect of it being a chronic, lifelong condition.

Except ... who can reliably say that those wishful alternate outcomes would have indeed come to pass?

Regret is a strange thing. It keeps us mired in thoughts about all that which is not in our control, instead of allowing us to focus on what we could reasonably do in the here and now irrespective of what has happened in the past.

Besides, all those wishful outcomes are the creations of a mind that believes there exists an alternate reality where we wouldn't have to face pain, disappointment, and failure.

Wouldn't it be a far better use of my time and energy to accept my circumstances and focus on what I can do given the resources I have in these particular coordinates of space and time I find myself in?