summer of '26

School's out for D. Summer holidays have officially begun!

In the past, this transition has almost always been a moment of panic and grief for me.

Without the community support and childcare that school provides, I'd find myself overwhelmed by the mere thought of spending three months caring for little D,

ensuring he's well-fed and well-rested and well-socialized and well-parented and having a perfect summer break, the thing that great childhood memories are made of,

while also somehow trying to do my "work" and not picking a fight with KrA instead and tending (but often failing to tend) to my needs.

Needless to say, it was a recipe for disaster. I felt crushed. I'd snap and yell and shame, and then fall into a spiral of guilt and regret at not being a better mother and partner, at finding it so hard to be a better human being.

Perhaps it's because D has grown to become more independent off late, or perhaps I've finally understood what it means to not fight and resist life but to accept what it sends my way ...

I've finally understood there is no such thing as an ideal routine or a perfect life.

I can't control my child's future any more than I can determine when it should rain and when the sun ought to shine.

Sure, as a parent, I influence him heavily. But so do his school and friends and the books he reads and the games he plays and all the other people he meets, everyone from so many different walks of life, with their own baggages and their own ways of approaching life.

When D was younger, I'd worry that every wrong thing that I said or did, or every right thing I left unsaid or not done, would go on to harm him in the future.

Now I see that no matter what movies and books tell us, it's not one particular decision or set of circumstances that completely changes the trajectory of a person's life.

Life flows in its own way, and we can do no more than respond to the best of our ability at that point in time.

So this summer, I'm looking forward to taking it one day at a time, enjoying the moments I get with D, spending more time being active with KrA and D, while also honouring the times I need to rest and recharge.

There's no ideal scenario to get to. No perfect destination to get to. No dream life to create.

What's here is what's here. This is it. This is the moment we get.

Sometimes it's sad. Sometimes boring. Sometimes fun and exciting. Mostly ordinary.

In all of this, I want to hold myself, KrA and D in great compassion and tenderness, accepting all our foibles and limitations and the joy that arises when we're not trying to make ourselves and our lives perfect.